Sister Snog

Here at Snog Towers we’ve been thinking about autumnal pastimes. Of the outdoor variety. Things you could do with your local chums and loved ones. At the weekend. After one of those frantic weeks. Chasing business. Going to meaningless meetings. Lovin' up your clients. Pitching. Tweeting. Wrapping. Blogging. For starters. No more hanging out at platform 9 3/4 checking those useless numbers. Or loitering around in airport lounges in flares, crying over a plane with a silly nose. No more prodding at God's ickle fishies with a stick and an oversized cotton reel. Save the knitting, scrapbooking, decoupage for the winter. Sister Snog thinks leaf peeping's the thing.

Have you noticed autumns are-a-changin' and the leaves we're used to seeing are becoming more catwalk. This autumn stuff has taken off big time in certain parts of the world. There you’ll find folks who are mad for a bit of leaf peeping. They’ll spend whole weekends, weeks, even longer, looking for the best shapes, the most vibrant colours. Coach loads, spurning the dreary-drab city for the groovy, psychedelic trip that is God’s countryside. Chasers looking for colours and leaves - quality and quantity. And there’s money in them thar hills. People have done the natural thing and turned others’ obsessions into big bucks.

Hotlines have been set up giving best guidance on shape, tint and hue. “Looking for a bit of red sir? Well, go no further. We’ve found an intensely cerise Maple – just the thing madam”. Websites too, complete with “leaf cams”. Fantastic! Making a business out of a hobby. As the world's getting warmer this type of thing looks more and more likely to happen closer to home. At a park near you. Even in your back garden or your next door neighbour's. The dry weather in the run-up to autumn increases sugar concentration in leaves, which turns up the intensity in their colours. Mellow russet is becoming sassy scarlet.

Leaf peeping is a great reason to escape deep into the country. Your local arboretum will take the place of a trip down the shops, the flicks, the footy or your local gig. Leaves. The Next Big Thing. You’d better beleaf it.

What exactly is the difference between a chestnut and a conker? Well, for starters, you roast one over an open fire. The other you smash  to bits so yours becomes the prize fifty-er. At the World Conker Championships. An event that even captured Ben and Jerry’s imagination They sponsored it. Once. Long time ago. But did you know that they're not actually related at all? And that horse chestnuts got their name because they're "only fit for horses"? Neigh! Can you eat them? Of horse you can't. If eaten raw they're extremely poisonous. Although for some reason the Japanese have been known to flavour rice cakes  with them. Now that doesn’t sound very rice. Maybe they’re just horsin' around. Cue the song.

Pools. The winning rather than the swimming kind. You know. The Pools Man. Remember him. Used to call on a Friday night for your 'any eight from ten' coupon. Now the only man who calls regularly is the postman, delivering parcels of essentials ordered online. Your weekly shop, flowers, books,  DVDs and of course that got-to-have-bargain. The one you successfully bid for at the eleventh hour. So you’ve already got a drawer full – so what? It’ll might be worth a bob or two in five years’ time.

And have you noticed how, for every other caller, the doorstep has become a sacred threshold nobody seems to want to cross any more? Or if they do, it often seems to be sheepishly or reluctantly. Pizza-Men and Curry-Men, always in a hurry. Knock. Knock. Come to read the meter. Thanks. Bye. Why’s that?

But hold on. Go just beyond the doorstep and you discover a community that’s right under your nose. A whole world of local characters you could smile at on your way to the station. Now there’s a radical thought. And they smile back! Local businesses, shops and tradesmen (and women of course) to fix it, play it, clean it, re-wire it, unblock it, cover it, sort it, replace it, mend it, hang it, paint it or fit it.

Doggy walkers so you can have a lie in. Baby sitters so you can have a night out! And they’re all within easy reach, just a local phone call away, or a walk down the street. And they all replace what used to be on your doorstep. Like milk bottles. Or dirty boots. Or Mr Soap Powder and The Doorstep Challenge. Think about it. This could be your saving grace. Get back on the streets, embrace your local community. Say hello. Smile. Save the world.